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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27363118">My star</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themoonandthesun/pseuds/Themoonandthesun'>Themoonandthesun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Death, Depression, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Ending, Stars, haikyuu au, space, very sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:15:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,568</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27363118</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themoonandthesun/pseuds/Themoonandthesun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe we all have a little stardust so when we die we end up as a star again.<br/>Maybe I hope our stars are next to each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>My star</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW:Suicide at the end!!</p><p>In advance I’m so sorry but I was inspired by sad songs and this one TikTok post.</p><p>I myself like space a lot especially stars so I thought it would work well with this story at least.<br/>Enjoy my sad bokuaka fanfic...</p><p>Also this is my first time writing in third person so I’m sorry if it’s not that good but I did my best!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p><em>"So what I'm hearing is that you're coming?"</em> The sleepy man sighed. He went from the kitchen to the living room thinking this could possibly be a long conversation. He put the cigarette between his lips then lit it breathing in then out.</p><p>"I told you I hate parties." He threw his head back looking up at the empty and dark ceiling, the only light coming in would be from the cars that would pass by in the night. The sound of the fan was the only thing in the room that started annoying the man but that suddenly changed when the guy on the other end started talking again.</p><p><em>"I want to introduce you to someone."</em> He stayed silent not wanting to entice him more. <em>"Please Akaashi?"</em> Please was a word you never heard from the man unless he was desperate.</p><p>He looked towards the window seeing the sun had already gone down most likely hours ago.</p><p>"You're stubborn." The other man chuckled already knowing the answer.</p><p><em>"Yeah I know, Kenma tells me all the time. I'll pick you up in a couple minutes so be ready."</em> Before Akaashi could protest he had already hung up, most likely excited he got him to go.</p><p>It was a summer night. Of all the nights this night ended up being more humid than the night before. A party wasn't going to help any less.</p><p>Akaashi leaned forward sighing. He rested his elbows on his knees putting his hand on his forehead while the other with the cigarette stayed extended out.</p><p>"This sucks." He muttered</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>July 27, 9:33pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I'm glad you're coming. I know you don't like parties and if this was any ordinary party I wouldn't have invited you." The guy yelped slightly when the guy next to him smacked his arm.</p><p>"Kuroo." The guy next to him sighed, turning back to look at Akaashi. "Sorry Kuroo needs a filter." He side eyes Kuroo before turning his attention back to Akaashi. "This seemed important to him so I didn't-"</p><p>"I want to introduce you to a guy I used to play with." The guy hit him again for cutting him off. "Ow Kenma." They seemed to always fight like this so at this point Akaashi learned to get used to it.</p><p>"Shut up Kuroo." Akaashi thought they were dating when they first met. It wasn't strange to him to think so seeing as everyone else thought that, but found it rather strange they weren't dating.</p><p>Akaashi was bored, any sane person could see that. He would watch as Kuroo would mingle with others while Kenma would follow behind most likely afraid he would loose him in the crowd.</p><p>Akaashi fiddled with his fingers and moved his right foot when his left foot would get tired and vice versa. He looked anxious but he would never tell anyone that if they asked if he was okay.</p><p>"Akaashi!" He looked up abruptly. Finally, he thought after standing there alone for however long it took him to memorize how many people Kuroo had talked to. "This is the friend I wanted to introduce to you." Akaashi was still avoiding eye contact but even without looking at him fully any person could see he was good looking.</p><p>"Can we go home now?" Kenma butted in but his question got washed away with the loud music.</p><p>"Akaashi Bokuto, Bokuto Akaashi." After some pondering Akaashi looked up thinking it was rude not to look someone in the eye.</p><p><em>He was beautiful. The first thought that came to mind was beautiful,</em> Akaashi thought. It was hard to tell with the dim lights but either way he was still mesmerized by how he looked as if he was looking at a statue.</p><p>"Akashe?" Kuroo chuckled at the mispronounced name but brushed it off.</p><p>"Mingle. We're going home in a couple of minutes, if we don't then Kens gonna make me pay for a new game he wants." Before Akaashi could protest with talking to a stranger, Kuroo left him and Bokuto alone.</p><p>He was never keen on new people especially when he thought there was nothing to gain from it.</p><p>"You mispronounced my name." He mumbled.</p><p>"I'm sorry?" Bokuto leaned towards him practically pushing him back to the wall.</p><p>"My name, you mispronounced it." He pulled away and smiled.</p><p>"Sorry the music is really loud. Your name?" He sounded polite besides the fact he had to yell over the music.</p><p>"Akaashi." Akaashi leaned towards him to whisper.</p><p>"Pretty name fits a pretty face." Akaashi seemed taken aback. No one had ever called him pretty or at least to his face.</p><p>"Y-yes." He looked away nervously. "I should be going." He rushed out of the house not wanting to let Bokuto see his slightly flushed face.</p><p>"W-wait!" Bokuto chased after Akaashi.</p><p>He didn't know why Kuroo wanted to introduce this guy to him. Why him of all people. Maybe he thought Akaashi needed a new friend. He was never one for making friends.</p><p>"Hey." Akaashi stopped feeling a tug on his wrist. It was more quiet outside and dark but he could still make out the fairly large guy who stopped him. "I didn't mean to offend you in some way." He looked sad but it was barely seen by Akaashi. "I truly do think you're pretty but I didn't think you would run away." Bokuto looked down and pulled his hand away from Akaashis wrist suddenly feeling nervous.</p><p>He wanted to go home and forget the guy just like how he forgets everyone else. He wished he had never came and maybe then he wouldn't be talking to some guy he has no interest in.</p><p>"You did nothing wrong." He felt bad somehow. Maybe it was the the slightly sad tone coming from the silver haired guy or the fact he was sleepy and talking out of his ass that made him feel bad for the guy. "I just-" he looked down trying to collect his thoughts. "It's been a-"</p><p>"Stars." Akaashi looked up confused. Bokuto was looking up at the sky with a look that was hard to make out in the dark of night. He looked at him mesmerized. He had never seen anyone look at the stars with so much- "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt." so much sadness.</p><p>"You like the stars?" Bokuto smiled for a second but only for a second.</p><p>"Well they're beautiful aren't they?" <em>They are</em>, Akaashi thought.</p><p>That night he had questions about Bokuto. He seemed interesting yet he never wanted to get close to him. Something in him told him not to get close yet...</p><p>"Y-your number." Akaashi blurted out. His eyes widened and he covered his mouth.</p><p>Without thinking the words just came out.</p><p>"You want my number?" Bokuto smiled. Akaashi already had his phone out and handed it to Bokuto (more like Bokuto took the phone from Akaashi). "I didn't think you were the type to ask for someone's number." He wasn't and he had no idea why he did it but he did.</p><p>"Yeah me too."<br/><br/></p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>August 20, 3:55pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After the party Kuroo pulled him away along with Kenma seeing as though Kenma was very persistent about bringing Akaashi back home.</p><p>That night Akaashi ended up thinking about the guy with the silver streaks in his hair that looked so sad while looking at the stars. He couldn't sleep and it has been bugging him ever since but he still refuses to text the poor boy.</p><p>Akaashi thought about calling him multiple times. He wanted to see him again but at the same time he never wanted to see him ever.</p><p>Akaashi looked up at the multiple dressings still deciding whether or not he should try a new one or go with the same one he always gets. People would wait patiently for him to move but he would just continue to stare at the sauces as if he was the only one in the store.</p><p>"I'm not even thinking about the sauces anymore." He mumbled and put his head down in defeat.</p><p>"Hey hey hey." He turned slightly to see where the sound came from. "Funny bumping into you here." His eyes widened slightly and he saw the guy he didn't want to see or at least he convinced himself he didn't want to see him.</p><p>"What-" he was about to speak but the energetic guy spoke first.</p><p>"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." Yeah neither did Akaashi. "What did you say your name was? It slipped my mind but I didn't want to call you the wrong name so I figured I would ask first." Akaashi just stared at him kind of confused and dazed. Akaashis face softened as he tried to collect his thoughts.</p><p>"Uh it's Akaashi, Akaashi Keiji." Bokuto smiled. His smile was unexpectedly warm and nice to see, Akaashi thought.</p><p>"Akaashi. Akaashi is a pretty name." Akaashi was taken aback at the same thing said that one night. "My names Bokuto Koutarou!" He seemed nice and he seemed warm.</p><p>Akaashi finally got a good look at him now that it was bright compared to the dark party. His eyes were a gold yellow and his smile made you smile even when you didn't want to. His hair was a nice silver with his roots showing and Akaashi never liked the way roots would show with a dye job but he looked good with them that it made Akaashi rethink his opinion.</p><p>Akaashi looked back at the dressings and smiled softly. "It's nice to officially meet you Bokuto-san." It was genuine, and not the kind he would say to make them go away, but it was nice and genuine for once.</p><p>"What were you going to get?" Bokuto leaned a little closer to him to see what Akaashi was looking at.</p><p>"I'm not sure. Do you have any preference?" Akaashi turned to look at Bokuto. He held the same smile while thinking.</p><p>Akaashi thought about how nice a smile suited his face.</p><p>"I like the strawberry one." Bokuto finally said. Akaashi covered his mouth and snickered at his comment. "Akaashi don't laugh! It goes well with everything, it's like a god of sauces. Doesn't compare to blue cheese-" Akaashi let out a laugh.</p><p>"Blue cheese?" He couldn't believe the words that came out of the other guys mouth. "I feel I asked the wrong person." He said jokingly. Bokuto put a hand over his heart acting hurt.</p><p>"Fine which one do you like?"</p><p>"Definitely not blue cheese."</p><p>"Oh come on it's good. Don't knock it till you try it. We're getting it come on. Put it in your basket." Bokuto grabbed the bottle and put it in Akaashis basket.</p><p>Akaashi smiled at his playful attitude towards him.</p><p>This was the most he's laughed in a while.</p><p>After the grocery store Akaashi invited Bokuto back to his apartment, clearly wanting more time with him but he would never admit that to himself.</p><p>Enjoying the lively atmosphere the bubbly guy had seemed nice to Akaashi and for the first time in a while he didn't feel as horrible as he was before meeting Bokuto.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>November 13, 7:45pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Akaashi and Bokuto have been spending time together. They would occasionally hang at Akaashis, Akaashi makes dinner and Bokuto watches in admiration as if Akaashi was this skilled chef he saw on tv once. They go out with Kuroo and Kenma every once in a while which is always a surprise to Kuroo when he brings Bokuto along with him.</p><p>Akaashi has gotten to know more about Bokuto. He now knows how he likes to dip his pizza in the strawberry dressing, that supposedly goes with everything, and how he makes this scrunched face when he's losing in a game, or how he smiles widely when Akaashi is telling him a story of any kind like he's entranced by the way Akaashi speaks.</p><p>Bokuto has also learned so much about Akaashi and has made it a point to remember a lot about him even with his bad memory. Akaashi smiles when Bokuto smiles, he picks off the olives in his salads, and he doesn't like when people mispronounce words (even though he doesn't mind it), and how Akaashi always seems to say goodnight no matter how upset or tired he is or whether he's fallen asleep early, he would still make it a point to tell him goodnight.</p><p>"Love buddy." Akaashi looked up from the pot of potatoes he was boiling.</p><p>"What?" Kuroo just said that out of nowhere. No conversations were made in the last hour and a half and Akaashi had no idea how he thought of the 'conversation starter.'</p><p>"I think my friend is in love." Akaashi listened intently so as not to bother what Kuroo was going on about. "But I want to help them be with the other person. How would I go about that?" Akaashi was stumped. He had no idea what Kuroo was going on about and frankly he didn't seem too into the conversation Kuroo started seeing as though this supposed friend seems a lot like him and Kenma.</p><p>"Why not just let them be?" Kuroo sighed in annoyance.</p><p>"You sound like Kenma."</p><p>"I don't see why you should be the one trying to help them. Maybe they're perfectly content with the way things are or maybe they don't want to ruin things between each other." Kuroo pondered but in the end shook his head.</p><p>"No I'm almost sure they like each other but they're both afraid to say something." Akaashi stops draining the cooked potatoes and looks up to see Kuroo smirking. That smirk meant something and anyone who saw it hated what came next.</p><p>"You're being mean." Kuroo scoffed and stood up from the couch.</p><p>"How am I being mean?" Akaashi shook his head and continued to drain the potatoes. He already knew what Kuroo meant.</p><p>"You with the words and the little smirks that like to hide secrets. You know something and I already know it too." Akaashi said exasperated. He was tired all of a sudden as if he would faint if the words came out of Kuroos mouth.</p><p>"It's tru-"</p><p>"No it's not!" Akaashi gasped at his sudden outburst. Kuroo is already used to this but Akaashi still acts like this is new. "I don't believe you." He doesn't.</p><p>The time him and Bokuto spent together was cherished by him and he hadn't had a new friend in a while so he doesn't want to ruin things.</p><p>"It doesn't hurt to try." For a second you could see Akaashi break but he quickly composed himself and put it to the side.</p><p>"You shouldn't be talking to me about friends being in love." It slipped out subconsciously. He hadn't known he said it until it was too late.</p><p>"And what is that supposed to mean?" Kuroo was getting upset as if he had already known what Akaashi meant. I suppose they're both in love with good friends.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>November 31, 12:03am</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>From Bokuto:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hey hey hey Akaashi I just wanted to check in on you. You haven't exactly been talking to me so I wanted to know if I did anything wrong? -12:04am</em>
</p><p>Akaashi ignored his relentless texts one after the other not wanting to talk to him, as stubborn as he was, he was doing a well enough job at ignoring someone who wanted to see him.</p><p>
  <em>From Bokuto:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Akaashi I know there's something wrong. I've known you well enough to know that at least. -12:13am</em>
</p><p><em>But did he</em>, Akaashi thought.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>December 10, 10:34am</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They weren't on speaking terms. Both knew what each other meant and both were true yet both of them were scared to say anything.</p><p>It's actually been a while since Akaashi has seen Bokuto, Akaashi blames it on Kuroo. He wondered how he had been doing though and wondered if he was taking care of himself knowing he forgets to eat or shower or anything that has to do with his well being.</p><p>It's the first time he's been truly enamored by someone. Over the years his track record of keeping friends haven't been all that great, all he had was Kuroo and Kenma, Bokuto now but he wasn't exactly sure what he was.</p><p>There should be an easy way to deal with these sort of things as if letting go of a piece of string if that string gave you no use anymore, keeping the string if it still had some potential, but what if you didn't know what you wanted to do with the string? What happens now?</p><p>"Akaashi!" Akaashi turned his head to the loud banging on the door and the muffled sound of someone calling his name out excitedly.</p><p>He hurriedly got out of bed, slipping some pants on, then walking over to open the door only to see a very happy Bokuto.</p><p>"Did you see outside?" He was smiling so wide it became contagious and got passed to Akaashi.</p><p>"I just woke up Bokuto." He tiredly said. He walked away from the door indicating Bokuto could come inside. Bokuto rushed in making sure to close the door then going to the window and opening the curtains to reveal the thick layer of snow.</p><p>"Look Akaashi." He looked like a little kid seeing snow for the first time.</p><p><em>He looks adorable.</em> Akaashi thought. He smiled to himself and watched as Bokuto continued to look out the window with stars in his eyes.</p><p>Akaashi looked away a little sad.</p><p>"Bokuto would you like to go out tonight to look at the stars?" He thought back to what Kuroo said and the words <em>'it doesn't hurt to try'</em> echoed in his brain.</p><p>"Really?" He looked up to see an excited Bokuto. "That sounds amazing, almost like a date." It was said nonchalantly but Akaashi caught it. He caught it yet he wished those words didn't come out of Bokutos mouth.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>December 10, 8:52pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They walked through the snow in silence, the only sound coming from the snow crunching as they stepped.</p><p>Akaashi had already decided yesterday that he was going to tell Bokuto his feelings.</p><p>The string was still unknowing with Akaashi.</p><p>"Say Akaashi, have you ever thought about the galaxy?" Akaashi felt relieved that Bokuto was the one that spoke first.</p><p>"Not much. It hurts my brain, trying to comprehend space I mean." Bokuto lightly scoffed. Akaashi wasn't sure if that was a bad answer or not.</p><p>"I understand what you mean." Bokuto stopped walking making Akaashi stop too. Bokuto fell backwards in the snow the only sound coming from the crunch that came from Bokuto. "There's so much out there, millions of light years away yet we live in not even one percent of space, only us." Bokutos happy demeanor from earlier had died down and became this normal one, this one Akaashi saw that one night back in summer.</p><p>Akaashi looked up at the sky and pondered before plopping himself next to Bokuto just the way Bokuto had done.</p><p>"I believe we all have a little stardust inside us so when we die we go back to the stars." Akaashi turned to look at Bokuto. He had a sad smile. "When I die I hope to become a star and watch over Akaashi." He was talking as if Akaashi wouldn't be there with him.</p><p>"I'm pretty sure we'd be put next to each other or at least I hope we would, but that won't be until we're old." Akaashi tried lightening the mood seeing how sad Bokuto looks.</p><p>Bokuto turned to look at Akaashi and smiled but it didn't seem as genuine as Akaashi thought it would be.</p><p>Bokuto wrapped his pinky around Akaashis pinky and sighed. He looked back up at the stars filled with some sort of content.</p><p>Akaashis face flushed a dark shade of pink but he blamed it on the cold instead of the truth.</p><p>"Hey Bokuto." He paused feeling his heartbeat pick up and butterflies fill his stomach. Bokuto looked at Akaashi but Akaashis eyes stayed glued to the sky afraid of the words that would eventually come out of Bokutos. "I'm pretty sure- I'm so positive that I like you a lot. Not as a friend as something more." His heartbeat resonated in his ears, that being the only sound he could hear.</p><p>For a moment Bokuto looked shocked but it soon changed to content, he was happy again.</p><p>"I like you too Akaashi." For a moment everything stopped and Akaashi felt they were the only ones on the planet just for a couple minutes. "More than you like me." His own star, it would seem, lit up brighter than he had seen him ever before.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>December 24, 11:54pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kuroo and Akaashi sat at opposite sides of the room every once in a while peering over at the other with a lot on their mind.</p><p>Akaashi had already gotten over their silly little fight but stayed clear of Kuroo in case he has some form of grudge still against him.</p><p>"It's been a couple weeks." More like over a month or so. "It's super simple to apologize." Akaashi gave Bokuto a small glare before turning to look at Kuroo. He nodded standing up.</p><p>"I suppose you're right Bokuto-san." Akaashi gave him a small smile before walking over to the bored looking guy.</p><p>Kenma got the hint and headed to Bokuto giving them their space. Kuroo told Kenma to come back but he didn't listen.</p><p>"Akaashi." He bowed his head. Akaashi rolled his eyes at his nonchalant attitude. He sighed then sat next to him.</p><p>"I'm sorry Kuroo." Akaashi never liked apologizing. I suppose it would feel you were in the wrong or some form of feeling after it but he never liked it either way. "I'm sorry for saying something I never meant to say." But Kuroo was his friend, he didn't want to lose his friend.</p><p>"Keiji you are so dense sometimes." Akaashi looked at him offended. Kuroo wore his smirk once again and Akaashi sighed once again. "Doesn't hurt to try, right?" Akaashis eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I decided to come clean and that's what I'm doing now, this is actually something I should've done a long time ago but was too scared to do." Akaashi listened to every word that came out of his mouth not wanting to accidentally miss something. "I like Kenma and I guess it's been like that for a while." For once Akaashi wore a surprised expression. That was the last thing he expected to come out of his mouth. "I decided to tell him and surprisingly he didn't turn me down. He said he liked me too but was too shy so tried forgetting about it, I guess it's a good thing I told him." Akaashi was happy for him even if it was barely shown on his face.</p><p>"That's great. I'm really happy for you. So you're dating?" Kuroo nodded. Akaashi looked at Bokuto to see him and Kenma talking about what was going on in Kenmas game.</p><p>"What about you and lover boy?" Kuroo saw Akaashi smile softly as he hadn't seen him smile like that in a while. "He really treasures you, you know. He talks about you, Akaashi this, Akaashi that, holy shit I thought I was going to have to bully him to tell you." Akaashis face flushed a light pink and suddenly he felt content.</p><p>"I told him Kuroo." He looked back at Kuroo to see him smiling. "He likes me back." As if it was on cue the big clock, that seemed so far away, rang throughout signaling it was twelve at night, Christmas.</p><p>"Kasshi! Come look at what I did!" Bokuto exclaimed excited as ever. Akaashi looked at him with admiration never wanting to look away.</p><p>"You're in love." He nudged Kuroo.</p><p>"Shut up. You are too." Kuroo nudged him back.</p><p>"Ken! Come here." Kenma sighed but stood up and walked back while Akaashi walked to Bokuto.</p><p>Bokuto was holding up a paper crane he had just made.</p><p>"I was very proud of it so I wanted to show it to you." Akaashi looked at the paper crane with a feeling of butterflies in his stomach. "Here I want you to keep it actually. Whenever you miss me you could just look at it." Bokuto tried hiding his smile acting buff as if this wasn't a big deal. Akaashi stifled a laugh but took the paper crane Bokuto was holding towards Akaashi. When he took it and examined it Bokuto smiled forgetting the fact he was trying to act manly in front of Akaashi.</p><p>"Why don't you just come live with me, then I wouldn't miss you as much." Before Akaashi registered what he just said he could hear flustered noises coming from the silver haired guy. When it sank in what he just said his face flushed a shade of red feeling embarrassed. "I-I didn't mean to say that!  I mean I did mean to say that! I don't know what I meant I'm sorry!" Akaashi stammered out still flustered.</p><p>"Woah get it Keiji!" Kuroo exclaimed making the two guys even more flustered.</p><p>That night the stars seemed more vibrant and the air seemed colder.</p><p>The slow Christmas songs played throughout the apartment while they were all looking at the snow fall while at the same time drinking egg nog.</p><p>Kenma tried to stop Kuroo from getting his sixth cup, seeing as though Kuroo was the one that drove, but it was no use. Bokuto and Akaashi were outside feeling the cool December winds, arms wrapped around each other.</p><p>"I've decided on an answer." Bokuto exclaimed. Akaashi looked at him confused but thought back to the question he had asked an hour ago. "I think I would like to move in with you eventually." Akaashi buried his head in Bokutos chest feeling embarrassed.</p><p>Akaashi smiled. "That's a promise?" Bokuto chuckled and nodded.</p><p>His only concern would be whats happening to them in the future but yet he pushed it aside thinking of now.</p><p>"That's a promise." He hugged him tighter.</p><p>"I think it's a great thing I got to meet you in this life. We only live once so I'm glad you were here when I'm here." Akaashi chuckled at his wording,</p><p>"I can't believe you just said yolo."</p><p>"Akaashi don't laugh!"</p><p>That night they ended up talking, mostly Bokuto telling Akaashi, about what kind of bowls he would want and cups and where he would want to put the coffee maker. Akaashi listened to all of what Bokuto was saying not wanting to miss anything. He wished he could capture this moment in time and never leave, wishing to relive this moment anytime he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>April 22, 4:34pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto ended up moving in near the end of February because he was way too excited to wait. Akaashi helped some seeing as though he hates anything that makes his sweat.</p><p>The past month and a half Akaashi noticed he's been forgetting some things, things Akaashi didn't think it was so hard to forget about.</p><p>He found it weird that Bokuto could forget if he ate or not or if he showered or if the day is the right day and not yesterday's date, but Akaashi knows soon enough Bokuto is always going to go back to his usual self. He remembers things easier some days and other days he's spaced out wondering when the last time he ate was. Akaashi has a feeling it's not going to last like all the other times but it still confuses him.</p><p>It's not like Akaashi hasn't asked before, he has, but he gets the same response every time, <em>it happens sometimes.</em></p><p>"You've known Bokuto for a while, right?" Akaashi needed someone to talk to, someone he trusts to keep their mouth shut.</p><p>"For years yeah. Is something wrong? Is the honeymoon phase over?" Akaashi usually would've made a remark but he didn't.</p><p>"I'm not sure what's wrong with him. Maybe there's nothing wrong with him and it's all just in my head, or maybe I haven't been around a normal human being in a while so I wouldn't know if this was a normal thing." Akaashi had questions that needed answers but he felt anxious asking. "Have you ever forgotten daily tasks? Or have you possibly forgotten to eat the whole day or forgotten what day it was?" Kuroo looked at him confusion evident on his face.</p><p>We all don't know the answers to such simple questions but we could try to at least get answers.</p><p>"No I don't think I have." Kuroo spoke out softly.</p><p>Akaashi felt a little disappointed knowing it wasn't the answer he was looking for. He wasn't actually sure what answer he was looking for.</p><p>"Is something wrong?" The question felt heavy like a dreaded conversation someone chose to avoid for so long.</p><p>"Maybe." Akaashi sighed and sat down. "I'm not so sure." He wanted to help. He wanted things to go back to the way they were but knew things wouldn't go back.</p><p>"If it's about Bokutos mood then I'm not sure I could help." He looked up at him surprised.</p><p><em>He knew,</em> Akaashi thought.</p><p>"I don't know what to do. He said it happens sometimes but doesn't say what's wrong-"</p><p>"He's depressed." Kuroo interrupted. "I thought you knew. I guess I assumed he would've just told you." Akaashi felt a sinking feeling in his heart like someone who had just received bad news. "He should be taking his medication. He should be but I know he doesn't like taking them because they make him numb but-" Kuroo and Akaashi looked towards the door to see it open and close.</p><p>"Hey Kuroo." But he was back to himself. "I didn't think you would be coming today!? Where's Kenma? Are you staying for dinner? Akaashi what's for dinner?" He was the same old Bokuto but he also wasn't.</p><p>"Your favorite." Bokutos eyes lit up with a huge smile. He hugged Akaashi then looked at Kuroo still holding Akaashi.</p><p>"So you staying for katsudon?" The conversation carried out as normal with Bokuto still Bokuto, Akaashi now worried, and Kuroo the same Kuroo.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>June 16, 9:34pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Akaashhhiiiiii~" Bokuto continued to complain as they climbed the high hill.</p><p>"Almost there Bokuto-san." Akaashi breathed out. They were both out of breath by the time they reached the top.</p><p>Akaashi collapsed as soon as they reached the top. He looked up at the many stars and sighed a heavy sigh.</p><p>"Come on Bokuto." He patted the ground next to him to which Bokuto obliged. Bokuto sighed a heavy sigh just like Akaashi had done.</p><p>Bokuto wrapped his arms around his body feeling the nightly summer winds. Akaashi just stared up at the sky covered stars feeling so-</p><p>"Why are we here?" Empty.</p><p>"I wanted to talk." The words caught in his throat like a little kid asking their mother for something the mother would be upset over. "I thought things would just come out eventually but they didn't so now I'm just-" he didn't want to do this, he wanted Bokuto to tell him. "Bokuto I'm worried about you." The words came out like broken shards of glass.</p><p>They both shared the silence not moving, not speaking, barely audible breathing as is. The world came to a halt it had seemed.</p><p>"I told you it happen-"</p><p>"Why couldn't you just tell me the truth?" Akaashi had decided at the last minute that he didn't want to do this anymore, but things were said and it seems after tonight things wouldn't be the same. "If you would have told me things then I would've-"</p><p>"Helped? Get me help?" Bokuto sat up, the obvious anger displayed on his face scared Akaashi a little. "I don't need your help Akaashi. When I'm with you I don't want to think about that stuff, okay?" Akaashi shook his head. His heartbeat resonated in his ears as nervous as ever, this doesn't happen often.</p><p>"When you're with me you should feel safe to talk about those things to me." Akaashi wasn't one for confrontation especially with the ones close to him. He didn't like making people angry and he never wanted to come off the wrong way which is why he stayed in his own space, away from others.</p><p>Bokuto looked down at his lap and sighed. He shook his head before looking back up at the sky with the most pained smile on his sad face. He looked as if he wanted to cry but he never did, all he ever did was stare and wait till Akaashi said something but Akaashi never did. Akaashi stared at him wondering what was running through his head. No words were further said but the world resumed. Everything was the same except it wasn't.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>July 20, 4:36pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I'm home." The words echoed throughout the empty house. "Bokuto-san?" Akaashi took off his shoes and headed towards the kitchen to see a new sticky note with all the other sticky notes for Bokuto like <em>make sure to eat, don't forget to take your medicine, drink water today, if possible take a shower.</em></p><p>
  <em>Went out with Kuroo. He said he wanted to take me somewhere special (whatever that means) I'll be back tonight ~Bo</em>
</p><p>Akaashi sighed relieved.</p><p>After work he would come straight home still worried about Bokuto as he had been for the past months.</p><p>He contemplated for a while whether or not he should go out and smoke but decided not to when he heard the door open.</p><p>"I'm home." He heard the sound come from the happy guy who just walked in. "Akaashi you won't believe what Kuroo showed me, it was this big dome filled with stars." As Bokuto continued to talk Akaashi listened intently taking in each word he said as if he wanted him to talk more, as if he was in love with him even more.</p><p>"You're beautiful." It had slipped and never crossed his mind as they always do but as soon as he said it he knew he meant it; it wasn't an accident. "You are." He wanted to hold him, to tell him all the things he truly meant to him. He wanted this moment frozen in time and he wished so hard it would.</p><p>Bokuto stopped talking and looked at Akaashi, stared more or less, but he smiled. He smiled a genuine smile that Akaashi didn't think it was real at this point. He laughed slightly then started crying. Akaashi stood up ready to comfort him but his feet stuck to the floor as if it was holding him down.</p><p><em>What's wrong?</em> Akaashi had thought and he didn't think he said anything wrong and he actually didn't.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Bokuto said hoarsely. "I'm not sad or anything I'm actually happy." He was thinking the same thing. "I wish we could stay like this a little longer."</p><p>"We can if you want." Akaashi finally moved towards Bokuto and hugged him hoping it would take the pain that was deep within away. "We can stay like this however long you want." But that's not how things work so his hugging wouldn't do much besides console and comfort the sad guy. "Just at least let me take this moment in."</p><p>Bokuto slowly wrapped his arms around Akaashi. He cried harder but this time they weren't tears of happiness, they changed.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>October 17, 9:34pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Akaashi stared out at the many city lights and smiled softly. He was smoking outside thinking Bokuto wouldn't find him. "What are you doing out here?" But it didn't work.</p><p>"Just wanted to breathe I guess." The cold night air hit both of them making them shiver. "It's getting colder." As Akaashi was about to put it back between his lips Bokuto stopped him,</p><p>"Those will kill you, you know." Akaashi hesitated then slowly nodded. He put it out and sighed.</p><p>"Yeah I guess-" <em>I was hoping for them to.</em> "We should head inside it's getting chilly." Akaashi wrapped the blanket tightly around him then turned around to see Bokuto staring so seriously.</p><p>Maybe it was the winter winds coming or the cold stare coming from Bokuto but Akaashi felt uneasy.</p><p>"I stopped actually. I stopped a while ago." He slid down the rail and looked back up at Bokuto. "Because of you." He sniffled then chuckled dryly. "I did a lot of things because of you and it made me a-" he felt as though he was rambling or about to ramble nonsense so he stopped. "Sorry I must have drank too much tonight." He hates talking too much especially with Bokuto, he'd never want to annoy or bore the guy. "I haven't done that in a while either but not because of you but because I chose to." He was blabbering. He had a point to this conversation but it must have slipped his mind when he slid down the rail. "You're an amazing person. I wish I could just tell you everyday and you start to believe it then maybe you wouldn't- mm never mind." Bokuto just watched. He was frozen even though he wanted to sit next to him.</p><p>"You talk a lot when you drink." He looked worried but it came off more impressed or surprised. "I really like you Akaashi so I think you should take better care of yourself." It set it off. He never meant to but things happen. Things get said and we can't control that.</p><p>"I like you too Bokuto but it seems you can't take care of yourself. I take care of you because I care but I don't see why you don't like yourself enough to care as much as I do." Bokuto was hurt. Eyebrows furrowed with tears forming in his eyes. He bit his lip so as not to cry and he hoped it would work. Akaashi would slip in and out of consciousness before finally closing his eyes.</p><p>"We should go inside. It's getting chilly outside right Akaashi?" But the cold wasn't what was bothering him. "I'm just tired." He said more to himself. "I'm just so fucking tired."</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>November 8, 9:34pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto was okay despite trying to push every bad thought to the side just for Akaashi.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>November 29, 11:11am</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto had been his usual self. He hadn't shown a sign of sadness and always remembered to take his medicine to the point where Akaashi wanted to take the sticky notes off the fridge but he didn't actually want to in case he was back to the way he was. He didn't think this would actually last forever.</p><p>Bokuto was laying on the couch when Akaashi walked in tired from working all day. "I'm home." He lazily said as he took his shoes off and made his way to the living room. He stopped and leaned over the couch to see his peaceful face.</p><p>He dragged his hand across his face but stopped when Bokuto stirred in his sleep.</p><p>"Welcome home:" Bokuto said with closed eyes and a sleepy tone.</p><p>"Go back to sleep." But instead pulls Akaashi down and kisses him before getting up.</p><p>"I have things to do. People to see, mainly Kuroo." He was the same.</p><p>Akaashi didn't want to think about whatever was going on in Bokutos mind. He wanted this Bokuto, the one who would smile and be happy. He liked this Bokuto and wished he would stay like this.</p><p>"Okay. See you later?" He wanted to spend time with him, with this Bokuto.</p><p>"Obviously. Where else would I be Akaashi?" He joked. He smiled and laughed lightly then left after planting a kiss on Akaashis forehead.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>December 1, 8:37pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Almost." Bokuto said all giddy.</p><p>They were walking back home from Kuroos practice game. Bokuto wanted to show Akaashi something, the usual.</p><p>"Don't you wish you could play with him?" Bokuto stopped and turned to look at Akaashi.</p><p>"Play? Like on the court again?" Akaashi nodded slightly. "I think about it from time to time but I know I'm better doing what I usually do." Bokuto continued walking but Akaashi just stared as Bokuto would happily walk.</p><p>"You mean working at the studio?" Akaashi thought back to how Bokuto would be out late at nights at the studio just a little down the road.</p><p>"I like doing what I do but I also like volleyball. For me now it's just a thing I used to like." It wasn't like Bokuto to say he used to like things. They're usually always put in the present tense especially when it comes to volleyball. "We're here!" The same hill. There are more stars than usual which made Bokuto smile.</p><p>"I thought we were going home." Bokuto flopped down on the dead grass. It was colder than usual and in no time it would be snowing, they both knew that.</p><p>"Hey Akaashi?" Akaashi hesitated before laying down to also look at the stars. "I know you like on the outside but I don't actually know who you really are. Who were you before you met me? I guess it's just been on my mind so you don't need to answer if you don't want to." But Bokuto wanted to know everything about Akaashi. He wanted to know what made him smile the biggest smile and what made him the saddest man alive. He wanted to know who the love of his life was.</p><p>"I don't think you'd want that." Akaashi said with so much certainty. "Because I don't even think I'm all that interesting. I don't know what you see in me." Bokuto grabbed Akaashis hand and squeezed it lightly.</p><p>"I see the whole galaxy in your eyes. I see the many stars that flicker in your eyes when you see me smile or when I do something weird as you would put it." Akaashi chuckled. Bokuto smiled at the fact he made him smile at least. "You're very interesting to me and the first person to pick me over anyone else. I always feel like a burden but I'm not like that when I'm with you." Bokuto cuddled up to Akaashi who shivered at his touch.</p><p>"I like cooking but hate to do so when others are watching me. I find that you eating pizza and pasta with the strawberry dressing is weird but I don't mind it because I know you like it. I fiddle my fingers when I'm nervous and I used to smoke to help it ease me. I used to collect bottle caps for some reason." Akaashi turned and hugged Bokuto. "I love you more than I love myself and that's something I'm so sure of." Bokuto seemed taken aback but melted into his arms. "I love you to the moon and back."</p><p>Bokuto started crying. He tried his best to hide it but his quiet sobs became loud enough for Akaashi to hear. Akaashi hugged him tighter resting his head on top of Bokutos.</p><p>As predicted, it started snowing. It was peaceful and they both wanted time to freeze as the lake would that night but it wouldn't and they both knew that.</p><p>"I love you too." Bokuto stammered out. "So much."</p><p>Time is never on their side though.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>December 19, 11:11pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto shot up in a cold sweat, heart beating out of his chest and gasping for air.</p><p>A nightmare. Usual routine for him at this point. He's been getting them since November.</p><p>Bokuto would wake and usually it would startle Akaashi but this time Bokuto noticed Akaashi still asleep. Bokuto looked out the window then decided to get up to get some air.</p><p>The cold December winds hit his bare chest giving him chills when he stepped out on the balcony.</p><p>He sighed a heavy sigh then squatted down.</p><p>He tries to keep up this facade that he's fine when he's not. He puts on a smile for Akaashi because he likes seeing Akaashi happy but it's hurting him.</p><p>A tear rolled down his face and soon after more followed, his vision now blurry and muffled sounds come from his mouth so as not to wake Akaashi.</p><p>"I'm so sorry." He continued to repeat his sorries to no one in particular.</p><p>He never needed to say it, his pain was said when he was alone and finally able to show how he felt.</p><p>He worried a lot for Akaashi and thought maybe he would eventually get tired of him.</p><p>"Bokuto?" Akaashi was awake though through everything.</p><p>He felt Bokutos body shake after the nightmare and the empty side of the bed. He assumed he would go back to sleep but he didn't. Akaashi wanted to say something but he decided not to.</p><p>"Hey Akaashi." Bokuto said trying his best to laugh while crying. "I didn't wake you did I? The stars just seemed so beautiful and I thought I should come out and take a look." It was a blatant lie but Akaashi didn't want to call him out on it.</p><p>"Come back to bed." Bokuto didn't want to though. Going back to bed means none of this happened, his feelings will continue to be put to the side for Akaashis sake. "I don't want you to freeze." He loves Akaashi but sometimes it can be a lot.</p><p>"I need a fucking break." Bokuto sighed. He stood up and walked towards Akaashi. "I'm so tired Akaashi." He hugged him. He hugged the tightest he could without hurting Akaashi. "I lied. I'm so tired and I don't know what to do." His voice sounded so pained. Akaashi tried swallowing the lump in his throat but it seems it wouldn't go away for a while.</p><p>"Y-you can talk to me about it. I'm here to help you." He started beating himself up about it though. "I want to help you. I love you you know that right? I would want you to talk to me."</p><p><em>Want? Such a strange word,</em> Bokuto thought.</p><p>"I want to die."</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>January 22, 7:55pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"So what if the guy wanted the papers from me? I wasn't allowed to give them to him." Kenma shrugged.</p><p>"You're cold you know that?" Kuroo nudged Kenma.</p><p>They walked out of the restaurant both couple hand in hand.</p><p>"Do you guys need a ride?" Kuroo asked the two who seemed already drunk.</p><p>"No we'll make it back okay. I didn't drink that much maybe a glass or two." Akaashi reassured him. Kuroo warned him to text him as soon as they are at home so as to ease Kuroos worries.</p><p>They said their goodbyes and separated. Akaashi drove him and Bokuto home.</p><p>The empty feeling in his chest had been piling up more and more. Trying to help Bokuto and having to deal with work seems more stressful than he thought it would be. He's happy to help Bokuto but I guess he also needs a break from everything.</p><p>Akaashi looked briefly down to see Bokutos hand in his. He squeezed his hand and shook his head.</p><p>"I love you Akaashi." Love? That was out of nowhere.</p><p>"L-love?" Akaashi halted the car at a stop sign. He turned to look at Bokuto surprised, luckily it being late at night there were no cars around. Bokuto looked at him as if he was surprised. This was the first time he's said I love you to Akaashi, it's usually the other way around. "I love you too." He briefly smiled then turned back to the road. "To the moon and back."</p><p>"You always say that." Bokuto squeezed his hand. "To the moon and back." He repeated to himself. "That's a lot of love for someone to give to one person." He looked away and back out the window. "Why give all that to me?" Akaashis eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>"Because you deserve it."</p><p><em>Because I deserve it?</em> The words echoed in Bokutos head but it never made sense.</p><p>He never thought he deserved so much love from one person.</p><p>After that the conversation ended. Akaashi wondering why he questioned his love for him, and Bokuto not believing Akaashi.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>March 26, 7:56pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Over the past couple of months Akaashi would notice Bokuto acting strange. Bokuto was there but it was like he wasn't. He was always absentminded, somewhere lost in his own head. He would do that when he was showering or brushing his teeth or anything. He always looked so sad. He didn't seem like himself. They stopped going to the hill to look at the stars and Bokuto stopped cooking with Akaashi, Bokuto would lay in bed for hours on end just staring at the wall, when Akaashi would ask if they wanted to do it they would get ready but Bokuto would stop as soon as it started saying, <em>I'm sorry I'm just not up for it.</em></p><p>Bokuto wasn't Bokuto.</p><p>Akaashi tries to take care of him and ask if he needs anything or if he just needs someone there with him but it's usually no response or just a shrug.</p><p>Akaashi walked out of the apartment and slid down the door.</p><p>Bokuto was inside currently sleeping and Akaashi decided to go get him his favorite food.</p><p>He sighed and shook his head looking tired and defeated as always. His dull eyes and the bags underneath didn't help of course.</p><p>He felt a liquid on his hand thinking it was probably rain but it wasn't. He didn't even know he started crying. He wiped his eyes but it didn't work, they would come slowly at first with him hoping they would go away but the more he thought about why he was crying the more they came out.</p><p>He continued to sob wanting the tears to stop but they wouldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>May 21, 8:45pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto was back to his usual self. He was lively and happy and so excited.</p><p>It’s always strange to see him be so sad over nothing a month or so ago but then be back to a lively person.</p><p>Akaashi never understood it but took it as is. He likes the moments he spends with Bokuto when he’s happy.</p><p>
  <em>I want him like this forever.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>August 17, 11:57pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Just like clockwork he was back to his sad state.</p><p>“I’m going to go see the stars.” Bokuto tried telling Akaashi but he was half asleep and barely heard what he said.</p><p>Bokuto got up from the bed and walked out. Akaashi woke when he heard the front door open then close shut.</p><p>“Bokuto-san?” He quickly got up and slipped his shoes on. He ran out of the apartment to catch him but he was nowhere to be seen.</p><p>Akaashi ran down the stairs and out to the parking lot.</p><p>“Bokuto!” He shouted. His heartbeat resonated in his ears once again. Fear and nervousness filled him.</p><p>Bokuto wasn’t in the best mental state to be alone let alone out in the dark alone.</p><p>Akaashi thought of the hill where they used to see the stars. He ran there as fast as he could. His legs gave out a couple times but he continued to push through the pain.</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t do what I think you’re going to do.</em>
</p><p>“Bokuto-san!” Bokuto was standing near the edge of the cliff. He looked up at the stars with the same pained expression Akaashi never liked looking at.</p><p>Akaashi stayed stuck to the ground frozen in fear.</p><p>“Akaashi?” He turned to see Akaashi. He smiled weakly then turned back looking down at the edge where there was nothing but a dark pit. “I just wanted to see the stars.” He mumbled. Akaashis legs started moving slowly towards Bokuto.</p><p>“We could’ve came together. I didn’t know you wanted to see them.” He wanted to reach out to him but he just seemed so far. “They look beautiful don’t they?” Akaashi was trembling.</p><p>He wanted to hold him like he always had. He wanted him away from the ledge. He wanted time to stop.</p><p>“I wanna be like the stars.” Akaashis eyes widened.</p><p>“You’re a star to me. Being my star is good enough, right?” He was still so far from Akaashi.</p><p>“That’s not the same.” He turned around and looked at Akaashi with the same pained face. “I’m just a burden. I’m your burden. I can’t take care of myself like you take care of me.” He covered his eyes. “I see how tired you are of me.” Akaashi shook his head.</p><p>“No I’m not tired of you I’m jus-”</p><p>“Please stop lying!” Bokuto snapped at Akaashi. “I’m just everyone’s burden.” He sniffled. He moved his arms and smiled at Akaashi. “That’s okay Akaashi. I’m okay. Everyone’s the same anyways, but you-” Bokuto turned away. “You were so nice to me and you showed me how to be myself. When I was with you I was always so happy even when you would go out of your way to take care of me. I feel so bad that I’m never going to return the favor.” Akaashis heart started going faster. He wanted to yell out at him but the words seemed to get caught in his throat.</p><p>
  <em>Please just stay.</em>
</p><p>“I love you to the moon and back.” And just like that he was gone.</p><p>“BOKUTO!” He screamed finally. It was already too late though. “Please!” He cried out. His feet finally moved to where Bokuto was. “Don’t leave me please don’t leave me!” The tears flowed out like a never ending river. His chest ached and his voice hurt so much from the choked out sobs. “Please come back!” He collapsed to the floor, hand gripping his chest. “Please stay. I want more time. I wanted more time!” He continued to scream out. He fell to the floor crying. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>August 17, 1:46am</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto was dead.</p><p>Akaashi called the ambulance but he couldn’t bear to see them pull up the love of his life. He walked back to his apartment slowly.</p><p><em>“Akaashi? What’s wrong? It’s like one in the morning.”</em> Akaashi opened and closed his mouth trying to get the words out but they stayed stuck. <em>“Buddy what’s wrong you’re scaring me.”</em> If he said it then it would be true. Bokuto is dead.</p><p>“He’s gone Kuroo.” He covered his mouth to stop the sobs from escaping.</p><p><em>“Who’s gone? What’s going on?”</em> He started crying again. It hurt like before and it seems it always will.</p><p>“Bokuto he’s-” he heard Kuroo shakily sigh. “He’s dead Kuroo. H-he’s gone.” Soon after he heard the muffled cries from Kuroo on the other end.</p><p>After the call Kuroo and Kenma went over to Akaashis to help him stay calm.</p><p>“Do you need anything?” Kenmas voice was hoarse from crying so much.</p><p>“No.” Akaashi stared at the ground. There was no hint of emotion from him, nothing.</p><p>Kenma sat down next to Kuroo and leaned against him.</p><p>“I’m never going to see him again.” Akaashi said out loud. “I’m never going to be able to touch his face or hug him the tightest I could. He’s gone.” His voice broke out. “I want him back.” He looked up at Kuroo with furrowed brows and eyes that were filled with more tears. “I want him back. Why can’t I have him back?” He started crying again. “My baby isn’t coming back.” He covered his mouth. “I want him back please I need him back.” Kuroo pulled him in trying to sooth him. “Why would you introduce him to me that day? I should’ve just stayed home.” Even though he regretted meeting him, he never regretted the time he spent with him.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” He would repeat over and over to him even though it was none of their faults. “I’m so sorry Akaashi.” He continued to cry in Kuroos arms for the rest of the time they spent together.</p><p> </p><p>————</p><p>
  <em>December 23, 7:54pm</em>
</p><p> </p><p>For the past couple of months Akaashi has been in bed, not going to work, barley leaving the apartment. Kuroo and Kenma would usually bring him food and check in on him.</p><p>Akaashi was numb and alone. The apartment seemed more empty now. He found it more sad than anything.</p><p>Everything was the same as he left it. He was afraid if he moved anything then it would feel like Bokuto was no longer in a place where he used to call a home. The sticky notes stayed up, his toothbrush stayed next to Bokutos, Bokutos shirts and outfits stayed as they were including the ones thrown on the floor. Kuroo offered to clean but it was too much for Akaashi.</p><p>Akaashi jumped slightly when he heard a knock on the front door. He sighed and slowly got up to answer it.</p><p>“Akaashi?” Kuroo stared at him for a second before awkwardly smiling. “How have you been?” Akaashis eyebrows furrowed. He sighed then leaned against the door frame.</p><p>“Why are you here? It’s already dark out.” He still showed no emotion.</p><p>“Well actually I came here for a reason so it’s not a drop by and ask how you’re doing sort of thing.” Kuroo was holding a box. “If that’s what you’re thinking.” Kuroo seemed nervous. He chuckled slightly then looked down sadly at the box. “This is for you.” He held up the box.</p><p>“If it’s food then just go set it on-”</p><p>“It’s not like that!” Kuroo stopped him from walking away. “No that’s not what’s in here.” He seemed to care for whatever was in the box. “Before Bokuto passed he was doing something. You know how he would usually be out late at night?” Akaashi slightly nodded then looked at the box. “He would always come over and talk so much nonsense about you. Akaashi did this Akaashi did that. He was so in love with you.” He pushed the box in Akaashis arms. “He was so in love to the point he wanted to give you something to make sure you would never forget about him. In the moment it seemed like a waste because you saw him everyday but I think I get now why he did it.” Akaashi slowly took the box in his hands. “He left it at my house and I guess forgot about it. I just remembered now because I was cleaning and found it in my closet.” He smiled and nodded. “Take care Akaashi.” Akaashi looked down at the box. Tears started forming in his eyes.</p><p>“Kuroo?” He turned around. “Thank you for this. You really didn’t have to.” Kuroo shook his head.</p><p>“It meant a lot to him. He loves you a lot.” Then he left. Akaashi closed the door sliding down to sit on the floor.</p><p>Akaashi stared at the box feeling anxious and kind of sad. He wanted to open it but at the same time opening it would be hard for him.</p><p>He sat up straight and slowly opened the box. On top sat a letter with little gold star sequences surrounding the letter. He reached out and held the letter before finally mustering up the courage to open it.</p><p>
  <em>Akaashi! Hey I probably know how you’re feeling now. I’m really sorry. Honestly I should’ve never done this but if I actually went through with it without doing this you would probably hate me even more. You’re a good person so I don’t actually think you’d hate me but I feel you would.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I was planning to do this for a while for some reason. So many things clouded my mind I guess and now I’m here writing this. I hope you’re not reading this but if you are I hope you know that I never meant to leave you, I was trying to escape the cycle my mind gave me but I guess I took the harder way out and for that I’m so sorry.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I want you to know I love you so much to the point I would drive to the moon myself and back to show you that’s how much I love you. I guess all I could give you now are my favorite things that reminded me of you or of us I mean.</em>
</p><p><em>I love you to the moon and back ~☆Bokuto</em> </p><p> </p><p>Akaashi covered his mouth. He had dropped the letter. He looked back at the box and quickly unwrapped the tissue paper.</p><p>There was a sweatshirt on top with little stars but there were two that shined the brightest compared to the rest. On the bottom of the box there were tiny pieces of paper and some napkins.</p><p>—<em>I saw these two dogs and they reminded me of us because one was black and the other was a Dalmatian and it wasadorable</em>.</p><p>
  <em>—I tried drawing the moon and stars but that’s really hard &gt;.&lt; so take a star!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>—you looked really peaceful while sleeping but I didn’t wake you up! I stared at you for a bit (kinda creepy...sorry) and decided to make breakfast but I ruined it....I hope you’ll like it in the end</em>
</p><p>—<em>you called me a dork for eating my strawberry sauce with pizza but you’re the real dork here when you asked me out</em></p><p>Akaashi held them close to his chest trying his best not to cry.</p><p>There were pictures of the two and sticky notes.</p><p>
  <em>~don’t forget to drink water</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I took the sticky note off the fridge because I already did it first before looking at it. I hope you’re super proud of me.</em>
</p><p>“I’m so proud.” He started crying. “I’m so proud I wish I could congratulate you in person.” He sighed and put the sticky note down. “But I can’t.” But he wished he could.</p><p>There was origami stars and a ring box in the corner.</p><p>His eyes widened. He snatched the box and opened seeing a ring with a diamond on top. On the inside of the box it says <em>‘will you marry me’</em></p><p>“You’re so stupid.” He covered his eyes and sat back down. “Now you’re making me cry and you’re not even here.” He sighed. “But I’ll give you an answer.” He got up and slipped his shoes on.</p><p>He walked out and down the stairs making his way to the hill. He never went back and he never wanted to but he knew he had to do this. With every step that approached the hill he got more nervous. He stopped. He held up the box to the sky.</p><p>“Is this what you wanted?” He took the ring out and slipped it on his ring finger. “Why couldn’t you tell me yourself?” He stared at the sky wishing for something. “If you’re wondering then my answer is yes Bokuto-san!” He screamed at the sky. He looked at the sky with the same pained face Bokuto would wear. “Say something!” He looked around until his eyes landed on one bright star. It was the brightest one out there. “You really are my star.” It started snowing lightly.</p><p>He collapsed to the ground. Tears filled his eyes and soon after they fell like hail.</p><p>He smiled sadly at the sky. He was alone again like he had been a couple years ago.</p><p>“I love you to the moon and back.”</p><p>
  <em>“I love you to the moon and back.”</em>
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